Over the weekend, I was given the task of contemplating one of the gifts of your Holy Spirit, and determining if it is a gift I already possess, or one I nee work on, or how it fits into my life. The gift I received was "Fear of the Lord". Yikes.
Fear? FEAR! How shall I fear you? All I wish to do is to cuddle close and rest my head on your chest and listen to your heart beat, moving the blood around your body. That blood that will redeem the world. I long to sit at your feet and listen to your words. I long to enjoy your company, feeling the warmth of your loving gaze. How can I fear you?
What I fear is the LACK of you. I fear the emptiness and longing of not knowing your whole complete love. I fear you discovering that I am not who you thought I was, and leaving me. I fear disappointing you. I fear not being loved by you. I fear spending eternity without you, which would be HELL.
These fears and insecurities must be kept in check. If I'm to trust in your love, and have every faith and confidence in your mercy, I can't live in fear of you leaving me. I can RESPECT you, and I can fear disappointing you, but I can't just cower. I need to do all I can to NOT disappoint you. Instead of fearing you believing me to be a rotten person, I must be kind, loving, and show mercy to all of your people. I must fear disappointment enough to avoid it.
Lord, thank you for helping me to contemplate this fear. Help me to have a healthy and proper "Fear of the Lord".
Thank you for loving me,
Love,
Me
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