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Monday, March 30, 2015

Major Disappointment

Dear Beloved Savior,

I am a disappointment to you at times, I know.  I'm sorry.  I know I don't hold up my end of the relationship.  You give and give to me, and I give a little and hold back the part I'm most afraid to share.  Within this hardened shell I've developed, I keep the soft, vulnerable part of me that is so badly damaged.  I hold back the part you want to hold the most.

 You said that now it's like we see through a glass darkly, but then we shall see face to face.  I'm afraid to see you face to face!  What if you see how ugly I am inside?  Will you love me back when I look into your eyes? Will you spit in my face?  You wouldn't be the first.  I love you the very best I know how, but I'm wounded, scarred and gun-shy. Sometimes I want to just throw myself headlong into your loving arms, and then I hear the ghosts of voices long ago telling me, "No court in the land would ever convict me of killing you, you are so ridiculous..." Will you see me as ridiculous?  Useless?  Worthless?  .  

I can't look right into your eyes, but you have seen inside me.  On those occasions when my shell was so broken there was nothing to keep you out.  It was then that you were able to hold the fragile, tender part of me and start to heal it with your loving touch.  It was at those times when I was too weak to hide that I've heard you speak healing words to my body and soul, and felt hope stirring. The woman at the well and the woman you didn't stone,..and then...me.  You saw in us something different.  Oh, PLEASE see in me something good, wonderfully and fearfully made! 

Please fill me with your love, and mold me into your image so I can be beautiful for you.

Love, 

Me         


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