We all have those neighbors who are more like family, the Johnson's were mine. Ronnie and I ate soup together, took naps together, played together, hitched his dog to a sled together, and during the summers, were constant playmates. His sister Cindy used to roll her eyes at us foolish children. There's a good chance some of our choices did qualify as stupid. Putting the little metal keys in the outlet to pretend it was the ignition of our "tiger car" may have inspired Ronnie to become a firefighter. We grew up together.
I attended the memorial for Cindy yesterday. Her death at 48 seems much too early. She couldn't stop drinking. I heard people say "What a terrible waste of a life". And in a way, they are right. Ron said, "That girl had so much love in her heart for everyone but herself." I'm certain he's right. But was her life really wasted?
She spent her life seeking something...love? Happiness? Fulfillment? Approval? I don't know for sure, but I know she didn't find it in the bottle. But I still can't think of her life as a waste. Opportunities were wasted. Time was wasted. But Ronnie was right. She LOVED everyone...except herself. Because she was a drinker, she could go where the drinkers go...and be a ray of sunshine to those suffering with that particular addiction. She was a blessing to her friends. She made her boyfriend happy. She let him feel the gift of her love and acceptance.
It made me wonder a bit. If Cindy had been a responsible, confident, model member of society, head of the PTA, respectable mother of the year...how would Ronnie have turned out? Maybe it would have been him that succumbed to the pain and heartbreaks of life. Did her weaknesses make him stronger? How many people have a healthier prayer life because they were praying for her? How many people became better people because they knew her?
Jesus said "the poor will always be among you..." Maybe, because Cindy "loved everyone but herself" she allowed herself to take a turn being the one in need so that the rest of us could learn compassion and empathy.
Her life wasn't wasted. Her life was used to teach us all that when we look in the eyes of someone hurting, we need to see Cindy Johnson. Steve and Bonnie's daughter. Ron's sister. My neighbor. A young lady fulfilling the noble position of being broken, and vulnerable, and lovable for the very admirable purpose of teaching the rest of us how to be better, more loving people.
Thank you Cindy. I hope you have found the peace and love you were seeking.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Love this Lent with your WHOLE heart!
It's Ash Wednesday, 2012, and I'm back!
It's been a year, and a lot has changed, but Lent is supposed to be a season of change. I look around myself and see my children changing. Driver's ed? Are you kidding? First Communion for Sylvia? Isaac's Confirmation? I have 2 sons in the Army now! Yikes! I'm so thankful to be a part of it all. My life is a crazy, mixed up busy place to be, and I'm enjoying every minute. (Except the minutes cleaning up dog poo. We're working on it!)
One of the things that really struck me today was my sweet son Isaac. At 15, some guys are way too cool to be seen with their mother. He hugs the guts out of me publicly, and invites his friends to do the same. It doesn't matter whether he's sweaty from Cross Country, wrestling, or just because he's a teenage boy, he has no reason to feel embarrassed to love his good old Mom. He went to Mass this morning with Debbie (my dear friend) and his sisters. He received a large smattering of very dark ashes on his forehead. They were still very dark when I picked him up at 2:30 for an appointment. When I asked him if any of his friends noticed, he said 17 people had asked him about it, and that he told them it was a sign of repentance, and that it was a church thing.
The cool thing is that he could have washed them off, but he didn't. He could have given a wise-crack answer, but he didn't (that I know of.) He also fasted the whole day! Not the wimpy fasting that I practice, where your total food intake for the day equals less than 2 total meals. He full-on fasted. No Food! Did I mention he's 15 and has a hollow leg where he normally stores the FOOD? Not one bite. He was all in.
In the first reading in Mass today, it talked about loving God with your whole heart. This made me tear up a little, because I still don't feel like my heart is quite "whole" yet. But after praying about the whole thing, I realized that I am being asked to love like Isaac! Publicly. Fully. With my WHOLE heart! Holding nothing back! He's a great example of what love should look like. Hug that red-haired girl because you know she's beautiful! Answer your friends when they ask you about the signs of your faith! Love each other like you mean it!
Isaac, I'm so thankful for you today. You are such a beautiful soul!
Happy Lent!
It's been a year, and a lot has changed, but Lent is supposed to be a season of change. I look around myself and see my children changing. Driver's ed? Are you kidding? First Communion for Sylvia? Isaac's Confirmation? I have 2 sons in the Army now! Yikes! I'm so thankful to be a part of it all. My life is a crazy, mixed up busy place to be, and I'm enjoying every minute. (Except the minutes cleaning up dog poo. We're working on it!)
One of the things that really struck me today was my sweet son Isaac. At 15, some guys are way too cool to be seen with their mother. He hugs the guts out of me publicly, and invites his friends to do the same. It doesn't matter whether he's sweaty from Cross Country, wrestling, or just because he's a teenage boy, he has no reason to feel embarrassed to love his good old Mom. He went to Mass this morning with Debbie (my dear friend) and his sisters. He received a large smattering of very dark ashes on his forehead. They were still very dark when I picked him up at 2:30 for an appointment. When I asked him if any of his friends noticed, he said 17 people had asked him about it, and that he told them it was a sign of repentance, and that it was a church thing.
The cool thing is that he could have washed them off, but he didn't. He could have given a wise-crack answer, but he didn't (that I know of.) He also fasted the whole day! Not the wimpy fasting that I practice, where your total food intake for the day equals less than 2 total meals. He full-on fasted. No Food! Did I mention he's 15 and has a hollow leg where he normally stores the FOOD? Not one bite. He was all in.
In the first reading in Mass today, it talked about loving God with your whole heart. This made me tear up a little, because I still don't feel like my heart is quite "whole" yet. But after praying about the whole thing, I realized that I am being asked to love like Isaac! Publicly. Fully. With my WHOLE heart! Holding nothing back! He's a great example of what love should look like. Hug that red-haired girl because you know she's beautiful! Answer your friends when they ask you about the signs of your faith! Love each other like you mean it!
Isaac, I'm so thankful for you today. You are such a beautiful soul!
Happy Lent!
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