I celebrated my 45th birthday recently, and Luke and the kids asked me what I'd like for a gift. This kind of surprised me, since I've always thought I was a pretty obvious hinter. I've been saving for a new laptop, and I thought I would ask for one, but somehow "a new sofa" is what came out of my mouth.
There's no question I have needed new sofas for some time now. I was born without an interior design gene, but even I know that the green slip-covered, dog-chewed, third owner sofa and love seat were finished having their turn at my house. I really didn't think my beloved husband would go for it, and I wouldn't have blamed him. Sofas are expensive. This is a large expense. It felt very selfish, and he said yes!
Harriett and I went to Art Van and chose a sectional for the living room and one for the TV room. I should mention that these are the first brand new still in the plastic sofas I've EVER purchased. First ever in 45 years! I've owned lots of sofas, davenports, and couches. In my apartment, years ago, I had one patio couch, a vinyl one from a dentist's waiting room, and an atrocious turquoise beast that folded out into a bed (at the same time). I've never unwrapped the plastic and put the feet on all by myself! What a fabulous adventure!
So I was feeling very selfish, until we were putting the couches together and the kids were exploring these new comfy spots to find their new favorite places. They thanked me for choosing a gift that we could all enjoy. They've fussed about and rearranged pillows and wrestled for the sweet spots on these new couches. Last night Simon, Sylvia and I cuddled up with a few good books and read together on these new couches. Isaac even jumped in at the end to use his "epic Viking voice" for the grandmother in the book "Thunder Cake." It was Patricia Pollacco meets Lord of the Rings. Epic!
God took my selfishness and made it into a blessing to our family. He's using my birthday couches to bring us closer together. That's what I really wish for on every day, not just my birthday. I wish (and pray) that my children grow up knowing they are loved and valued. I pray that they know this is their home and they are always welcome here. Mostly, I pray that they know how blessed I have been to be a part of their lives for as long as I get to be around. They are a gift to me.
Thank you Lord, for the gift of couches and relaxation and Love.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
This year, for Lent....
Clearly, I'm not blogging every day this year. Just hit and miss, and I've been missing more than I've been hitting lately. But that doesn't mean I'm not celebrating Lent this year. I'm doing something different. It's just as much of a challenge as last year's sacrifice, but in a different way. When I blog, I write out the words, and I send them out into the universe, and I have very little idea who reads it or what happens next with the people who read it. I have very little face to face interaction in regards to the blog. It won't be that easy this time.
This year I have challenged myself to pray with other people. Every day. Anyone. Someone. About anything. It has been an interesting Lent so far. Like the other day at school in the teacher's lounge. Some of us were having lunch together and someone asked if we had heard about Margaret's grandson. Margaret has been a teacher at C-S since I was in the third grade. To say someone who has taught Kindergarten for over 25 years is an amazing woman is the understatement of the century. Anyway, her grandson has been diagnosed with a form of Leukemia. He's three. She's got to be terrified for him and her kids. We talked about how we'd like to do something to help the family, and one lady said,"What's his name again?"
"Jeffrey," came the reply. "I might forget by the time I pray for him tonight, so I'll probably just call him Margaret's grandson." she admitted.
Before I could stop myself, I said "You don't have to wait, you know. You could do it now." ("Shut up shut up shut up!" I'm thinking to myself! What the heck are you SAYING!!! My brain screams!) "You know for Lent I've taken on praying with other people," I half mumbled, apologetically.(Oh crap! Did I really just say that?) "Let's do it!" Tracy Mannes says. She is on the bandwagon! God love her, she gives me courage when mine is failing. "Shall we hold hands?" she asks the other women at the table. All co-workers. All educators. All women of Faith. All of us realized that although we know each other to be Christian women, we've never spoken to our Maker as one. We've never prayed together. At least if they did, I wasn't there.
So we all stand. Holding hands as one. Together in Christian love, we hold up Margaret in prayer. We ask God to be with Jeffrey and his family through this difficult time. We ask for the courage to be the friends that Margaret needs. We ask that if healing is in His will, it will come quickly, and if it's not, that the family would find their strength in the love of their Maker. I thank God for these women of faith that I work with. I thank God for the sacredness of that moment.
Amen.
I wonder what they were thinking as we went back to work.
I was thinking, "That was terrifying, and I'm so glad it happened." I know it shouldn't be a big deal to pray with other people. I'm not shy, and God and I have this running conversation all day long. (I do not require an invisible friend, I have a REAL one!) What's so frightening about inviting someone else in on the conversation? Maybe it's the fear that they won't get it. This Love is something so pure and beautiful, that I would never allow anything to threaten it, and inviting someone else in is a big risk. But I have already seen that when it pays off, and you are a part of a prayer circle, that love becomes SO MUCH GREATER than you and the others praying with you. It grows and glows and fills your soul with hope.
Will you pray with me this Lent?
This year I have challenged myself to pray with other people. Every day. Anyone. Someone. About anything. It has been an interesting Lent so far. Like the other day at school in the teacher's lounge. Some of us were having lunch together and someone asked if we had heard about Margaret's grandson. Margaret has been a teacher at C-S since I was in the third grade. To say someone who has taught Kindergarten for over 25 years is an amazing woman is the understatement of the century. Anyway, her grandson has been diagnosed with a form of Leukemia. He's three. She's got to be terrified for him and her kids. We talked about how we'd like to do something to help the family, and one lady said,"What's his name again?"
"Jeffrey," came the reply. "I might forget by the time I pray for him tonight, so I'll probably just call him Margaret's grandson." she admitted.
Before I could stop myself, I said "You don't have to wait, you know. You could do it now." ("Shut up shut up shut up!" I'm thinking to myself! What the heck are you SAYING!!! My brain screams!) "You know for Lent I've taken on praying with other people," I half mumbled, apologetically.(Oh crap! Did I really just say that?) "Let's do it!" Tracy Mannes says. She is on the bandwagon! God love her, she gives me courage when mine is failing. "Shall we hold hands?" she asks the other women at the table. All co-workers. All educators. All women of Faith. All of us realized that although we know each other to be Christian women, we've never spoken to our Maker as one. We've never prayed together. At least if they did, I wasn't there.
So we all stand. Holding hands as one. Together in Christian love, we hold up Margaret in prayer. We ask God to be with Jeffrey and his family through this difficult time. We ask for the courage to be the friends that Margaret needs. We ask that if healing is in His will, it will come quickly, and if it's not, that the family would find their strength in the love of their Maker. I thank God for these women of faith that I work with. I thank God for the sacredness of that moment.
Amen.
I wonder what they were thinking as we went back to work.
I was thinking, "That was terrifying, and I'm so glad it happened." I know it shouldn't be a big deal to pray with other people. I'm not shy, and God and I have this running conversation all day long. (I do not require an invisible friend, I have a REAL one!) What's so frightening about inviting someone else in on the conversation? Maybe it's the fear that they won't get it. This Love is something so pure and beautiful, that I would never allow anything to threaten it, and inviting someone else in is a big risk. But I have already seen that when it pays off, and you are a part of a prayer circle, that love becomes SO MUCH GREATER than you and the others praying with you. It grows and glows and fills your soul with hope.
Will you pray with me this Lent?
Sunday, February 26, 2012
A Wasted Life?
We all have those neighbors who are more like family, the Johnson's were mine. Ronnie and I ate soup together, took naps together, played together, hitched his dog to a sled together, and during the summers, were constant playmates. His sister Cindy used to roll her eyes at us foolish children. There's a good chance some of our choices did qualify as stupid. Putting the little metal keys in the outlet to pretend it was the ignition of our "tiger car" may have inspired Ronnie to become a firefighter. We grew up together.
I attended the memorial for Cindy yesterday. Her death at 48 seems much too early. She couldn't stop drinking. I heard people say "What a terrible waste of a life". And in a way, they are right. Ron said, "That girl had so much love in her heart for everyone but herself." I'm certain he's right. But was her life really wasted?
She spent her life seeking something...love? Happiness? Fulfillment? Approval? I don't know for sure, but I know she didn't find it in the bottle. But I still can't think of her life as a waste. Opportunities were wasted. Time was wasted. But Ronnie was right. She LOVED everyone...except herself. Because she was a drinker, she could go where the drinkers go...and be a ray of sunshine to those suffering with that particular addiction. She was a blessing to her friends. She made her boyfriend happy. She let him feel the gift of her love and acceptance.
It made me wonder a bit. If Cindy had been a responsible, confident, model member of society, head of the PTA, respectable mother of the year...how would Ronnie have turned out? Maybe it would have been him that succumbed to the pain and heartbreaks of life. Did her weaknesses make him stronger? How many people have a healthier prayer life because they were praying for her? How many people became better people because they knew her?
Jesus said "the poor will always be among you..." Maybe, because Cindy "loved everyone but herself" she allowed herself to take a turn being the one in need so that the rest of us could learn compassion and empathy.
Her life wasn't wasted. Her life was used to teach us all that when we look in the eyes of someone hurting, we need to see Cindy Johnson. Steve and Bonnie's daughter. Ron's sister. My neighbor. A young lady fulfilling the noble position of being broken, and vulnerable, and lovable for the very admirable purpose of teaching the rest of us how to be better, more loving people.
Thank you Cindy. I hope you have found the peace and love you were seeking.
I attended the memorial for Cindy yesterday. Her death at 48 seems much too early. She couldn't stop drinking. I heard people say "What a terrible waste of a life". And in a way, they are right. Ron said, "That girl had so much love in her heart for everyone but herself." I'm certain he's right. But was her life really wasted?
She spent her life seeking something...love? Happiness? Fulfillment? Approval? I don't know for sure, but I know she didn't find it in the bottle. But I still can't think of her life as a waste. Opportunities were wasted. Time was wasted. But Ronnie was right. She LOVED everyone...except herself. Because she was a drinker, she could go where the drinkers go...and be a ray of sunshine to those suffering with that particular addiction. She was a blessing to her friends. She made her boyfriend happy. She let him feel the gift of her love and acceptance.
It made me wonder a bit. If Cindy had been a responsible, confident, model member of society, head of the PTA, respectable mother of the year...how would Ronnie have turned out? Maybe it would have been him that succumbed to the pain and heartbreaks of life. Did her weaknesses make him stronger? How many people have a healthier prayer life because they were praying for her? How many people became better people because they knew her?
Jesus said "the poor will always be among you..." Maybe, because Cindy "loved everyone but herself" she allowed herself to take a turn being the one in need so that the rest of us could learn compassion and empathy.
Her life wasn't wasted. Her life was used to teach us all that when we look in the eyes of someone hurting, we need to see Cindy Johnson. Steve and Bonnie's daughter. Ron's sister. My neighbor. A young lady fulfilling the noble position of being broken, and vulnerable, and lovable for the very admirable purpose of teaching the rest of us how to be better, more loving people.
Thank you Cindy. I hope you have found the peace and love you were seeking.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Love this Lent with your WHOLE heart!
It's Ash Wednesday, 2012, and I'm back!
It's been a year, and a lot has changed, but Lent is supposed to be a season of change. I look around myself and see my children changing. Driver's ed? Are you kidding? First Communion for Sylvia? Isaac's Confirmation? I have 2 sons in the Army now! Yikes! I'm so thankful to be a part of it all. My life is a crazy, mixed up busy place to be, and I'm enjoying every minute. (Except the minutes cleaning up dog poo. We're working on it!)
One of the things that really struck me today was my sweet son Isaac. At 15, some guys are way too cool to be seen with their mother. He hugs the guts out of me publicly, and invites his friends to do the same. It doesn't matter whether he's sweaty from Cross Country, wrestling, or just because he's a teenage boy, he has no reason to feel embarrassed to love his good old Mom. He went to Mass this morning with Debbie (my dear friend) and his sisters. He received a large smattering of very dark ashes on his forehead. They were still very dark when I picked him up at 2:30 for an appointment. When I asked him if any of his friends noticed, he said 17 people had asked him about it, and that he told them it was a sign of repentance, and that it was a church thing.
The cool thing is that he could have washed them off, but he didn't. He could have given a wise-crack answer, but he didn't (that I know of.) He also fasted the whole day! Not the wimpy fasting that I practice, where your total food intake for the day equals less than 2 total meals. He full-on fasted. No Food! Did I mention he's 15 and has a hollow leg where he normally stores the FOOD? Not one bite. He was all in.
In the first reading in Mass today, it talked about loving God with your whole heart. This made me tear up a little, because I still don't feel like my heart is quite "whole" yet. But after praying about the whole thing, I realized that I am being asked to love like Isaac! Publicly. Fully. With my WHOLE heart! Holding nothing back! He's a great example of what love should look like. Hug that red-haired girl because you know she's beautiful! Answer your friends when they ask you about the signs of your faith! Love each other like you mean it!
Isaac, I'm so thankful for you today. You are such a beautiful soul!
Happy Lent!
It's been a year, and a lot has changed, but Lent is supposed to be a season of change. I look around myself and see my children changing. Driver's ed? Are you kidding? First Communion for Sylvia? Isaac's Confirmation? I have 2 sons in the Army now! Yikes! I'm so thankful to be a part of it all. My life is a crazy, mixed up busy place to be, and I'm enjoying every minute. (Except the minutes cleaning up dog poo. We're working on it!)
One of the things that really struck me today was my sweet son Isaac. At 15, some guys are way too cool to be seen with their mother. He hugs the guts out of me publicly, and invites his friends to do the same. It doesn't matter whether he's sweaty from Cross Country, wrestling, or just because he's a teenage boy, he has no reason to feel embarrassed to love his good old Mom. He went to Mass this morning with Debbie (my dear friend) and his sisters. He received a large smattering of very dark ashes on his forehead. They were still very dark when I picked him up at 2:30 for an appointment. When I asked him if any of his friends noticed, he said 17 people had asked him about it, and that he told them it was a sign of repentance, and that it was a church thing.
The cool thing is that he could have washed them off, but he didn't. He could have given a wise-crack answer, but he didn't (that I know of.) He also fasted the whole day! Not the wimpy fasting that I practice, where your total food intake for the day equals less than 2 total meals. He full-on fasted. No Food! Did I mention he's 15 and has a hollow leg where he normally stores the FOOD? Not one bite. He was all in.
In the first reading in Mass today, it talked about loving God with your whole heart. This made me tear up a little, because I still don't feel like my heart is quite "whole" yet. But after praying about the whole thing, I realized that I am being asked to love like Isaac! Publicly. Fully. With my WHOLE heart! Holding nothing back! He's a great example of what love should look like. Hug that red-haired girl because you know she's beautiful! Answer your friends when they ask you about the signs of your faith! Love each other like you mean it!
Isaac, I'm so thankful for you today. You are such a beautiful soul!
Happy Lent!
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