"I am Troubled Now..."

Beloved Lord, 

I read these words of yours, and they've stuck with me.  I can't count how many times I've been in a tight spot, and this should have been my exact prayer.  Sometimes it was, sometimes it wasn't, but the words give me hope and keep me safe in the knowledge that even though you are sinless, you understand me. Our Father is always glorified. 

“I am troubled now. Yet what should I say?
‘Father, save me from this hour’?
But it was for this purpose that I came to this hour.
Father, glorify your name.”

Seven times I have found myself writhing in the pains of childbirth. This is the perfect prayer. Should I ask to be relieved of this pain that brings forth life?  It only makes the truth of who they are all the more real.  I believe our Father has been glorified by my children, who know and love him, and sing his praises.    

“I am troubled now. Yet what should I say?
‘Father, save me from this hour’?
But it was for this purpose that I came to this hour.
Father, glorify your name.”

There have been days in my life so dark that I couldn't find a speck of life, or hope.  I could find no joy, or reason to keep looking. Depression is a horrible darkness that hides everything good and beautiful.  Not one bit of the beauty is gone, it just can't be perceived.  I stood at the precipice of nothing, and tried not to plunge headlong into the emptiness before me.   In hindsight, I can tell you that somewhere within, this prayer was prayed.  Or perhaps someone prayed it on my behalf, when I was only able to utter groans of deepest despair. 

“I am troubled now. Yet what should I say?
‘Father, save me from this hour’?
But it was for this purpose that I came to this hour.
Father, glorify your name.”

When I was ashamed and embarrassed about the choices I had made in private that were no one else's business, this was the prayer.  Don't save me from my shame.  Teach me by it.  Be glorified in all things.  

“I am troubled now. Yet what should I say?
‘Father, save me from this hour’?
But it was for this purpose that I came to this hour.
Father, glorify your name.”

When my time is over, and my heart is beating it's last beats, I hope I have the clarity to pray this prayer. I will be troubled at the separation from my family, hoping it will be short and temporary, but should I ask to be saved from the hour that I reunite with my heart's fullest, truest love? 

“I am troubled now. Yet what should I say?
‘Father, save me from this hour’?
But it was for this purpose that I came to this hour.
Father, glorify your name.”

 I pray that our Father will glorify his name, again and again, and again. Thank you for carrying me through the hardest hours.       

Love, 

Me



"all, from least to greatest, shall know me, says the LORD, 
for I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sin no more."