I'm at my keyboard, having spent this entire day in a mix of exhaustion and anticipation. This is it. My Last Lenten Blog. Tomorrow is the big day we have spent all this time preparing for. Did I live up to my promise? I hope so. I blogged every day, whether I felt like it or not. Inspired or uninspired, I put my hands to the keys and offered God free reign. I've written some gibberish, and he's spoken to people with the keys of my keyboard. I'm so glad to have been a part of this process. I've learned so much about being brave and listening to what GOD has to say, and filtering out what I want to say.
I have fulfilled my obligation, but it's been so much more than that. I feel like I have shared myself in a very personal way with anyone who cares to read in. I tell my kids all the time how important it is to be yourself, because God made only one of you. How sad it would be for the world to miss out on you because you are trying to be someone else. It would be equally sad if God put a story in your heart and you didn't share it. Or if he whispered messages to your heart that he wanted the world to hear, but he wanted YOU to write it for him, and you said "I'm not good enough." That's where I was when we started this journey together.
We started out covered with the ashes of sorrow. We remembered that we were made of dirt and we will return to dirt. Somewhere along the line, we realized who formed that dirt and how he made us in His own image and likeness. Then he breathed life into us, and made us real humans. He could have stopped there, like he did with the animals he made. But he loves us enough that he took on a body like ours, and a nature like ours, and lived like us so we could hear his words. Remember that the Creator speaks and it becomes so. So when he says he loves us, it can't be any other way. When he holds us close to himself and smiles upon us, it's real. The most real thing there is is Love. And God is that Love. It existed before the light and the dark. It existed before the Heavens and the Earth. It was and is and is to come. We were Created by Unending Forever Love. For no other reason than to share in that Love.
And they wonder why I cry at Mass. I cry at home, too. I ponder and weep. I imagine and cry. I see a picture in my head of Jesus in the garden. His lazy friends are sleeping, he's about to be separated from everyone that loves Him, and he's about to see what evil really looks like. He's preparing to take on my sin and yours so he can descend into Hell and battle Satan once and for all. Disappointment, betrayal, spitting, beating, mocking, it's just the pregame for Jesus. His most important work is yet to come. So they crucify him on Friday. The earth quakes, darkness descends, the spirits of the dead are roaming around Jerusalem. (look it up, it's in there!)
Meanwhile, his followers wait. Lost, confused, scattered, they wander and try to figure out what the heck just happened. They must have been dazed and confused, but anticipating. Waiting, but for what. He flat out told them several times He would rise again, but did He mean it literally, or like on the last day? Do you think they tried to go back to their old lives? Did Peter, James and John go fishing? I don't know. The ladies hung out by the tomb and cried. (Makes sense to me, that's where I'd be!) Where are you in this story right now? All this stuff happened, and where are you? Are you going back to your old life? Are you waiting to see what happens next? Are you anticipating the miracle that we celebrate tomorrow morning, when the Light of the Universe shines triumphant over sin and Death and Hell, and viral stomach flu, and every other crappy thing in the world?!!!
No one came through the Easter story unchanged. Judas was dead. Peter humiliated himself (Jesus forgave him, though.) Jesus was GLORIFIED! Most of the apostles became martyrs for the faith. How about you? How are you changed by these events?
It makes me want to Love better. It makes me want to do the job that God made me to do. I wasn't called to be a martyr (yet, that I know of), or a savior. I was called to love you. I was asked to share God's Love with you during Lent. In case I haven't made it perfectly clear, God Loves You...and so do I. Very much. Happy Easter.
Lent is over. I can't wait to see what happens next!
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