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Thursday, March 20, 2014

The Carpenter

March 19th was the feast day of St. Joseph.  I just found that out today (2 days later), but it kind of makes sense to what thought has been going through my head to share with you.

So I was picturing a scene from the show "Ax Men" which depicts loggers out clearing massive trees from treacherous terrain with big machines. One could surmise that the first step in this process is to grow a tree.  Let's assume that tree is you and you have grown tall and strong and straight and desirable for building stuff.

You stand in the woods with all of your other tree-friends, until something cuts you through. You find yourself laid low, felled by a power source foreign to you, and that you can't quite fathom. You are bound in chains and dragged away.  You are aware of your branches being ripped off as you are hauled to a site with no trees left standing.  Much of the protective bark that has kept you safe your whole life is ripped off as you are unceremoniously lifted horizontally by what appears to be a giant mouth, and spit upon a giant truck bed.

At this point you may ponder where you are, but you won't be able to take it all in, as you are now speeding down a smooth stone path (known as a "highway") surrounded by vehicles large and small.  This is SO far from the home where you've spent your whole life! No more birds, no branches for them!  No family of squirrels nesting in your leaves.  Just you to the core.  Only a trunk.  No roots. No branches.

You are lifted once again, but this time off the truck and into a pile of other trunks. Silent and alone, you lay in a pile waiting to find out what comes next. You may be thinking back to the gentle rains of your youth as a sapling in that woods.  You remember how your bark used to be so thin that you were scarred by every stick that touched you.  As you grew older it got thicker, and curled with deep grooves that kept you safe from everything around you.  You remember how soft and flexible you were inside.  The strength you now posses is surprising, even to you.  And that is how you have come to this place.

The Carpenter needs you.

He lifts you into his mill, carefully so as not to damage you.  He places you on a long table with a sharp blade at one end.  He measures carefully, and begins to cut away a layer of bark and wood. All of your years of standing strong have formed a beauty inside you that you never knew was there until now.  Rings have formed. One for each hard winter, withstanding the cold and snow.  One for each lovely summer blowing gently in the warm sun and breezes. Those rings are the reminders of what has made you strong AND beautiful.  He measures again, and begins another cut.


He will use all of you.

Those first strips he cuts will provide warmth for His family and glow with the light of the fire he lights in you. He continues to slice you.  Using each slice to make strong, solid, useful things for His family.  One slice for making a crib to hold His infant son, some more slices to make a table where the family will eat.  Perhaps one day that infant son will eat there with his friends. Board by board, slice by slice, your strength and beauty is needed by the Master Craftsman for some noble purpose. All who look upon the things he has made with you will see your rings and remember your struggle and your success.  All you have weathered up until now has been leading to this moment when the Carpenter can show your strength and beauty. Big pieces and small, he will use all of you until you have nothing left to give.  

As the last bits of your bark are thrown into the fireplace to kindle a new fire, some may believe you are gone.

You are not gone. You have been beaten and stripped.  You have had the branches ripped away.  You have been sliced and broken and shared.  You have been used to uphold and support the Carpenter's family.  You have been both strong and beautiful.  You are an intimate part of the story, and you remain.  

Look around you and see all the wood.  The wood of the tables and cribs and crosses was once a tree. The tree is gone, the wood remains.


           

 

Friday, March 7, 2014

RETREAT!



I will be on retreat for the next 3 days with my Confirmation class which includes my daughter Lydia.  I'm really looking forward to this time together, but I'm a little troubled by the definition of the word "Retreat". 

 

 re·treat
riˈtrēt/
verb
  1. 1.
    (of an army) withdraw from enemy forces as a result of their superior power or after a defeat.
    "the French retreated in disarray"
    synonyms:withdrawretire, draw back, pull back/out, fall back, give way, give ground, beat a retreat, beat a hasty retreat More
noun
  1. 1.
    an act of moving back or withdrawing.
    "a speedy retreat"
    synonyms:withdrawal, pulling back More
  2. 2.
    a signal for a military force to withdraw.
    "the bugle sounded a retreat"
 

We have been describing Confirmation as a kind of graduation from boot camp.  It only STARTS your life of learning and service, it's not the end.  However, I don't see this army backing down from any power that is superior, and I KNOW there's no defeat in sight for us. Jesus already won the war.  So I guess we'll stick with the noun versions of the word.  We will be moving back and withdrawing.  We will be holed up in the Stanley Center discussing our future plans and where we are at the moment.  I believe this is the reason for a retreat as defined in #2 above.  

Perhaps our little band of soldiers needs to withdraw and assess what strengths we have and to reinforce those areas of spiritual weakness.  Perhaps we need to see where everyone in the group stands, and get them the provisions they need to become a fully functional force of good in this needy world. 

I am looking forward to having my batteries charged, and being there for whoever needs what I may have to offer.  I pray that God will bless the whole lot of us.  I pray that His Spirit will work in us and through us and around us, making us strong and helping us grow.  

Are you ready for a retreat, or are you ready to charge?  

    





Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Dust to dust

Back in the olden days, people put ashes on their heads and wore sack cloth to show their shame and sorrow over choices they had made.  It was a showing of extreme penance, an unmistakable outward sign of some inner conversion.  I wore black dress pants, but I still put on the ashes for the same reason.  I don't own any sackcloth garments, but it's not a bad Lenten idea.  Maybe next year.  The ashes are really the important thing here.

"Ash Wednesday" ashes are made of the palm fronds that have dried up from the previous year's Palm Sunday when we remember the Triumphal entry of Christ into Jerusalem.  Catholics attend Mass and receive ashes on their foreheads to remind us of so many important things we may have forgotten.  

Today I got the honor of distributing ashes on the foreheads of the folks in "our side" of the church.  What a profound experience.  As each parishioner comes forward, I put my thumb into a bowl of ashes, draw a cross on their foreheads and say, "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you will return."  They then take their turn thinking over this truth as they head back to their seat, and the next person comes forward.

Mind you, I got "dusted" before my turn to ash the others, so I am grossly aware that I originated as dust, and will thence return.  This thought both saddens and excite me.  On the one hand, it makes me feel unimportant (which is good, really, humility is vital).  On the other hand, it makes me excited for the day I will be one with everything that God looked at and declared "it is good!"

So, I'm in my spot, waiting for my people, and Harriett (my daughter) is the first one up.  I cross her head, look her in the eye, and give her my reminder, "remember, you are dust, and to dust you shall return."  My heart is about to burst.  Harriett, dearly loved child, YOU will become dust again, so make it count!  Then slowly, all my people are coming forward.  Isaac, my son, You WILL return to dust, so what will you do while you are still animated?  Lydia, you will become dust again, so what's up with that?  Luke, my beloved husband, how do I look you in the eye and tell you, and accept that one day, you will return to dust, and I hope and PRAY that I go to the dust first, because my heart couldn't take it! My friends, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, god kids, all of them!  Dust!

I felt a little insight as to what it might have felt like to be an Old Testament prophet.  Let's just say, I'm thankful to not be an Old Testament prophet.  I feel like I am giving them a message from God, and I don't know if they get it, or if they're just nodding, or being blessed, or what. I hope they are being blessed with the conviction that if they have something sinful in their hearts that they will confess it, repair it if they can, and stop building walls between themselves and the greatest love in existence.  The message is as clear as the cross on your forehead:

Turn away from sin and be faithful to the gospel.
        

Lent 2014 "40 Things"

Happy Ash Wednesday!  Happy 40 days of Lent to you all!

When I was trying to decide upon a good practice this Lent, I had wonderful intentions.  I will feed the hungry and clothe the naked.  I made lists and lists of great ideas. I will give up everything but rice, and pray constantly, and wear sackcloth, and ashes.

Well, I will be wearing ashes, but I realized I might be getting carried away.  I started to make a list of 40 things I would do this Lent to get closer to God.  This opened up the question, "40 things per day, or over the whole time?" So I started on lists of  40 things for each week.  Whew. I got so busy thinking of things, that I was exhausted before I even started to DO any of the items on the lists.  I came up with this list of 40 possibilities if you are looking for a list of "40 things" you can do to get closer to God this year. I made the list, you fill in YOUR 40.  

1.  Do 40 kind things for strangers.
2.  Do 40 prayerful things.
3.  Do 40 hard things.
4.  Do 40 physical exercises.
5.  Do 40 Spiritual exercises.
6.  Pray for 40 specific people.
7.  Forgive 40 things.
8.  Be purposely thankful for 40 things.
9.  Give 40 things away.
10.  Let 40 things die. (Preferably not pets.)
11.  Find 40 miraculous things around you.
12.  Write 40 letters.
13.  Write 40 prayers.
14.  Rejoice over 40 things.
15.  Learn about 40 saints.
16.  Pray 40 Our Fathers.
17.  Pray with 40 seperate people.
18.  Call 40 people to say hello.
19.  Pray for 40 special intentions.
20.  Give up 40 meals.
21.  Limit your spending to $40 per week. Track every dollar.
22.  Confess 40 sins. (Dig deep.)
23.  Encourage 40 friends in their Lenten practices.
24.  Pray for 40 priests. (Lists can be found on diocesan websites.)
25.  Pray for 40 religious sisters and/or brothers.
26.  Pray for 40 orphans.
27.  Donate to 40 causes you care about.
28.  Help 40 kids learn to read.
29.  Pray for 40 families who have a loved one in the obituaries.
30.  Thank God 40 times that you are not in the obituaries.
31.  Give up 40 TV episodes.
32.  Limit yourself to 40 texts a day.
33.  Limit yourself to 40 "selfies" for the entire season of Lent!
34.  Give up 40 beverages, and donate the money to charity.
35.  Do 40 chores for someone else.
36.  Share 40 scripture verses.
37.  Listen to 40 stories told by older people.  (Even if it's the same story over and over.)
38.  Spend 40 minutes per day in prayer.
39.  Spend 40 minutes per day in silence, listening to God do the talking.
40.  Love 40 people better.    

I heard some guy on a radio show saying that your lenten sacrifice should be a foreshadowing of death.  The more I looked over my substantial list of stuff I needed to do, I was quite certain I didn't have time for death, since I was WAY too busy getting closer to God, which is exactly the purpose of Lent. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I AM SO BUSY GETTING CLOSER TO GOD THAT I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE WITH GOD.

I remembered how I felt when I was on the floor without a pulse.  There was nothing there but me and God, and our love.  I wasn't DOING anything.  I wasn't planning, or donating, or writing.  I just...was.  And what I was is LOVED.

THAT's what I hope to get to this Lent.  My list is a barrier that I have created between myself and God.  I will remove this barrier piece by piece, number by number until once again there is only me and God and our Love.

Easter will rock!

Good luck removing your barriers, whatever they may be.                  

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Dying is not enough!

TAFKAP (The Artist Formerly Known as Prince) sang it.  So have lots of other artists.  "I would DIE for you!"  And really, that's great. As a matter of fact, it's the greatest.  "There is no greater love," says the Lord, "than to lay down your life for a friend."  It's true, but is it enough?

Jesus died for us, we've established that.  We've spent the last week celebrating and pondering, and contemplating and reliving it in our imaginations.  He died a horrible, cruel, bloody, barbaric death.  It was brutal before he even got to the cross part.  He laid down his precious life VOLUNTARILY for us, his friends...

Then came the really awesome part!

HE CAME BACK!!! He didn't stay dead.  That wasn't it!  It wasn't the end, it was just the beginning!  He loved us enough to die for us, then he loved us enough to conquer that which threatens to warp and dement and damn our souls, and came back to let us know the job was truly finished! HE CAME BACK!!!

That's what I'm celebrating now!  He loved me enough to die for me and come back with the gift of eternal life!  Now it's my turn to do the loving!  Now it's my turn to die for him (to my crappy, selfish, sinful life) and come back for him!  It's time for me to live for Him and let everyone around me know that Jesus finished the job, and what's left to do now is to spread the love God surrounds us with.

Happy Easter!  I gotta go Live for Him!      

Friday, March 29, 2013

Seeing the blood...

"But the blood will mark the houses where you are.
Seeing the blood, I will pass over you; 
thus, when I strike the land of Egypt, 
no destructive blow will come upon you."


God the Father asked Moses to mark the doorways of His Chosen People with the blood that drained out of the sacrificial lambs.  Upon seeing this blood, the Angel of Death was instructed to pass that household by, as it had already offered it's sacrifice.

During the Last Supper, Jesus started to make it clear that HE was to be our sacrifice.  

"Then he took a cup, gave thanks, and gave it to them, and they all drank from it. He said to them, “This is my blood of the covenant, which will be shed* for many."

During Matthew's version of the crucifixion, Pilate wanted to set Jesus free, 'And all the people said, "His blood shall be on us and on our children!"'


So in order to be passed over by the Angel of Death, my doorways require the blood of the sacrifice.  Jesus was that sacrifice, and provided the blood of a new covenant.  His blood was shed for many, and all the people begged and cried out for His blood to be upon them and their children.

I beg this same thing, Lord. 

 May your blood be upon the doorposts of my heart, and those of my children.  As you take up your place on the Cross, covered with the sweat and pain of bearing my sinfulness and each blow that I deserve tears into your flesh, may those precious drops of blood be upon the doorposts of my soul, protecting me from harm.  Let YOUR sinless, precious blood proclaim to all who see it that the sacrifice has been made. May it go before me into every place I enter. May it follow my children, and their children to untold generations, purifying their souls as they give their faith, hope and love to you. 

Lord, you shed the blood.  Please mark my house.  Please pass over us in your wrath, but enter and stay with your love.  When you see the blood, know you are welcome here.       

  


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

He's Leaving...

He's leaving...

It's true.  My son is leaving and I'm afraid of what will happen to him.  He's a great guy with a good head on his shoulders and he's such a huge part of my heart that I just can't help but worry about him.

I have saved up so many precious memories of him in my heart.  I remember when he was born, how I lost the "urge to push" so he looked like he had been wearing a hat for a few hours after he was born.  I remember being amazed by how much I could love another person when I first saw his face.  I remember the funny way he used to crawl. He laid on his back and pushed his feet to scoot himself along, occasionally looking around to redirect himself.

I remember cuddling him as a baby.  I remember spending time with him as a toddler and reading together as he got older.  I love the cute way he mispronounced things.  I love the way he's always had a quiet confidence about him, even when he was smaller than the other kids. I love the way that he never stopped trying when things were difficult.  

And tomorrow he will leave our home again.  He will branch out on his own, taking my heart with him.  He has his own path to follow, and it's time for him to go fulfill his destiny and continue his own journey. He will stand in harm's way to make things better for others, and I fear for him. He will be lonely sometimes, but I don't want him to feel abandoned.  He will be sad, and scared, and I won't be able to help him or protect him.  Some of his friends will let him down.  What if they betray him?  What if he gets hurt?  Or worse.  Will he know how much I love him?  Oh son, please know how much I love you!

A spear pierces this mother's heart...

But the story isn't new.  Another mother.  Another Son.  One son goes to the Cross, one son goes to Afghanistan.  Her son saved mine, and in that grace is where I take refuge and comfort and hope.

      

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

I wish I could be who you think I am!

A very dear young friend of mine asked me if I would be her sponsor for the sacrament of Confirmation.  This is a great honor, and one I don't take lightly.  Basically, I am being asked to stand before the bishop and put my hand on this young lady's shoulder and say (by my presence) "I'll vouch for this one!  She's ready to become a disciple of Christ all on her own, regardless of what decisions her parents make."  To be a sponsor, you must be a baptized, practicing Catholic that is willing to be a mentor of sorts to this young person, offering suggestions (or a listening ear) when this new disciple has questions or concerns about living a life of faith.  It's kind of a big deal...no, I'd say it's more than that.

It's huge.

I haven't the slightest reservation in the LEAST vouching for this young lady.  If anyone were ever called to be a disciple of Christ, this one certainly is!  She's an amazing young woman that I believe is called to sainthood. She lives her life guided by the principles she has been raised with, and God has uniquely prepared her to have a deep patience, love and tolerance with those who try the patience of others.

She had to write a letter to the bishop, and in it she had to explain who her sponsor is and why she chose me, and she had to request the sacrament, and explain why she wanted it.  She gave me a copy of this letter, and I'm still carrying it around, and still a bit teary.

Let's just say that if I can be half of the woman this girl believes me to be, I will be more blessed than words  can say.  She describes in her letter a woman I wish to be, and STRIVE to be, but that I'm not yet.  The fact that she sees me trying gives me hope! I don't want to let her down by telling her that I fail daily.  That I try so hard to be those things, and I fall short.  I'm not sure if she wants to know that, like her, I sometimes feel like the closer I try to get to God the more obstacles I find in my way. I mess up all the time, but I don't want to mess this up.

So I'll keep praying.  I'll keep muddling along, and knowing God loves me, though for the life of me, I still don't understand what He sees in me.  I pray he sees what she sees.  I pray he makes me into the woman Dawn thinks I am.  

            

Monday, March 18, 2013

Avoiding the Sorrowful

I like praying the rosary.  Actually, that's only partly true.  I like praying with the rosary.  I have a CD of Immaculee Illibagiza (the Rwandan Genocide survivor) praying the rosary, and I love to listen to it and pray along in my car.  Her soft African accent warms my heart, and makes me think of how beautiful her homeland must be in person.  I'd love to go there someday, and see the lush green land with my own eyes.   It could happen.  

So I mentioned that I like to pray with the rosary, because for me (and probably thousands of others) praying the rosary is like taking a bus.  I like buses.  Some of them are quite decorative, or have clever sayings on the sides.  Some are simple "cheese wagons" like the ones that drive the kids to school.  Anyway, I take the bus to get somewhere.  The bus is not my destination, but a pleasant transportation device to get me where I truly want to be.  In this case, my rosary praying is the same way.  My destination is not 10 Hail Marys.  The 5 mysteries are just bus stops to let me know where I am on the journey, and to remind me where I'm heading.  My destination is with God, whatever that looks like on any given day.  

There are 4 sets of 5 mysteries when praying the rosary, and I usually pray only one set at a time.  
The Joyful mysteries are my favorites:  The Annunciation (when Gabriel told Mary what was up), The Visitation (When Mary visited Elizabeth), The Birth of Jesus, The presentation of Baby Jesus at the Temple, and Finding young Jesus in the Temple (after his folks had already traveled on for several days. I'd have been furious!) There are also 5 Luminous Mysteries, 5 Glorious Mysteries, and the ones I avoid...

The Five Sorrowful Mysteries

  1. The Agony in the Garden 
  2. The Scourging at the Pillar
  3. The Crowning with Thorns
  4. The Carrying of the Cross
  5. The Crucifixion and Death of Our Lord
It's just not possible to properly celebrate Easter, or the joy of salvation without acknowledging these sorrowful events.  Life is full of sorrow, and without sorrow, we would never feel joy, but right now I'm not ready.  I'm afraid I'll get bogged down into my own crosses and crownings.  I've woven a pretty sizable crown of thorns to wear on my own head, and every piercing thorn is a reminder of the times I've stubbornly shouted "No, thank you, I can do it myself!" to God. I earned that scourging, not Him, and the guilt of it is almost too much to bear.   

The sorrowful mysteries also carry the greatest blessings, however, and I need to think of them.  Each drop of blood was given, not taken.  Each lash of the whip was received, not given.  He GAVE his life, no one TOOK it.  It was always HIS to give, and He gave it to me.  He gave it FOR me.  

Because He LOVES me.    

And the bus--I mean, the rosary-- takes me there. To the place where I am beloved and with the one who loves me into being!  

I'd encourage you to get on your bus and ride to that place.       

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The power went out.

It really did.  We got a real wet sloppy snowstorm last night that took down some power lines and wiped out our power for awhile.  Normally this isn't really much cause for alarm, but at about 30 degrees outside, with a foot of new wet heavy snow, the house was getting colder by the minute. Sylvia climbed in my bed and snuggled.  Then we got up and put on layers of sweats, brewed tea in my new tea kettle, and enjoyed the adventure of life without electricity.

It came back on about 10:30 or so.  Heat filled our chilly house, and life returned to normal.  However, when I was thinking I'd blog about the power going out, a whole different thought came to mind.

Remember the story about when Jesus was walking down the street with his disciples, and there were people all around, pressing in on all sides, and the woman with the "bleeding problem" touched the hem of his garment?  Jesus turned around and said, "Who touched me?" Why?  

Because the Power went out.

The power went out from the Son of God, and he instantly knew it.  It changed that lady.  It healed her, and emboldened her to speak up and say "it was I, Lord." Can you imagine?

What if the Power went out like that today? The house would be aglow in the warm love of our Creator, and even if the lights came back on, we would never return to "Normal".  When have you felt His power go out? Think back to a time when you spent a few minutes in the dark, quietness of His Love. Spend a few minutes there.


   

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

LISTENING LIKE A 5 YEAR OLD!

LISTEN

That's what the Father said from the cloud when Peter was babbling on about setting up a tent for Moses and one for Elijah.  He said,

This is my Chosen Son.  Listen to Him.

I'm trying so hard to listen, but I'm babbling like Peter.  I never thought about it like this until now, but when it comes to listening to God, I'm like the kids in my Pre-Kindergarten (Young Fives) class.  I have something that I think is really important to say, and God is doing the same thing I do every day in class, curbing, redirecting, correcting, and I'm totally oblivious.

Here's a sample of a typical Young Fives interaction:

Okay, who can raise their hand and tell m..
I HAVE A CAT!  MRS. SWAGER, I HAVE A CAT.
It's not your turn, who can raise their hand and te...
EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU...
I HAVE A CAT!
Please don't interrupt.  Who can tell me what letter this is?
EXCUSE ME!  IT'S A B! I DON'T HAVE A B IN MY NAME.  I HAVE A ...
You are right, this is a B.  What sound does it...
I HAVE A CAT! AND IT SCRATCHED ME!
We're talking about the letter B right now, we'll talk about cats later.  What sound does...
EXCUSE ME! CAT DOES NOT HAVE A B! EXCUSE ME!  MY NAME DOES NOT START WITH  B! B IS NOT MY LETTER! 
Please listen!  This letter is B and the sound is /b/.  (The catgirl is up and walking around the room now.)
Take your finger out of your nose and go wash your hands, please! (This is the 4th time Mr. "Excuse me" has been asked to remove his finger.)  
Mrs. A-wogger, I know a word that starts with B!  Moon!  Moon starts with a B!  No, wait, that's not a B. 
EXCUSE ME!  I DON'T HAVE A CAT.  

You get the idea, right?  Except When it's God and I it looks more like this:

THIS IS MY CHOSEN SON, LISTEN...
Hi God, it's me Amy.  I'm nervous about my kids again. They're all growing up so fast, and some of them are in the Army, and it makes me nervous, but I trust that you are going to take care of them and I just...

THIS IS MY CHOSEN SON, LISTEN TO H...

I know I need to listen to Him, but I was thinking maybe I could write a letter to each of my godkids and then make a cake or some cookies.  I have to get something out to thaw for dinner tomorrow, and it needs to have a lot of veggies since Lydia and Harriett gave up meat for lent...

LISTEN TO HIM! 

I am really listening to what you're saying, but I'm really worried about my girlfriend whose Father-in-law just died, and I don't know what to do to help her...

LISTEN! IT'S MY TURN, PLEASE DON'T INTERRUPT, I WANT YOU TO BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD... 

 I have a cat, Lord.  I have a cat.  Excuse me, but I have no idea what's really important.  What I know is that I am a bad listener, I have a cat, my name does not contain a B, I have low tolerance for nose-picking, and I really REALLY want to be the student you'd like me to be...if I was only developmentally ready.    

LISTEN!

That's what I'm trying to do.  I'm glad God is an infinitely better and more patient teacher than I am!  
     

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Pots, part one.

Picture yourself as an artist who fashions clay pots.

You've spent a good deal of time making a huge assortment of unique pots.
Some are short and stout, perfect to plant one of those gorgeous mini-gardens that fancy people have at the end of their driveways.  Some are tall and slender like Grecian urns, with stories etched into the sides of them.  Each pot was designed in the mind of the artist to carry out a specific task.  Some are very decorative while some are more pragmatic.  Some will spend their entire existence being used for a common purpose, while some will be gilded with gold and reserved for only special occasions.

Now you've spent all this time and energy creating each one in the image you had in your mind.  You gave some imperfections and traits that you knew would serve their purpose, others you created to be...well, shall we say  you were going through your "Art Nouveau" period.  But they all began as your idea.

 Hidden within each pot is a secret. A treasure exists in its form or function, or within its design that makes it more than just a pot.  This secret makes it dear to the one who fashioned it. It is a memory of the time they spent together as clay and potter, being made into something...else.

You would like each pot to know its value.  From the least, little jar that cracked in the fire of the kiln, to the greatest fountain that holds precious water for those in the dessert, they all hold the secret, and you want them to know it.  You want them to REMEMBER it, and hold it dear.

So you climb onto the wheel, and allow yourself to become surrounded with clay and spun into a pot yourself...  

      

Thursday, February 14, 2013

The Dirt Blessing




The 'Dirt Blessing'

Two years ago I waited in the hospital in Alabama for my granddaughter to make her entry into the world.  She arrived as scheduled, and promptly made us wait to get to hold her.  Her lungs didn't inflate well when she was first born, which reminded us all of a great lesson...we are not in control.

Yesterday she received ashes on her forehead for Ash Wednesday.  I should say, she and a good deal of the earth's population received these ashes as a reminder of that great lesson also.  We are still not in control.  We get to make choices and decisions, but the truth is exactly what the priest or deacon says as he traces the cross of Christ on our foreheads "Remember that you are dust, and to dust you will return."

Jordan told me Evie was all excited that she got a "dirt blessing".  She's right, it looks like dirt.  It's actually the burnt remains of the palms from last year's Palm Sunday Mass.  That was the one where we were all excited by the triumphant entry of Jesus into Jerusalem and the people were SO excited that he was there and laid palm fronds on the road before him as he rode in on the colt of an ass. Just before my sins nailed him to a cross.  Mine, yours, all of ours, because he didn't have any of his own.

Evie's right!  It is a dirt blessing.  We started as dirt and we'll end that way.  The important part is what we do while we are MORE than dirt.

For that brief moment of time between when our lungs inflate with the breath of God until we give back our last breath of God when our time here is over, we are more than dirt.

I have been taught that the breath of God contains within it some of His divinity, which is in each of us.  So maybe our job while we're here is to give it away.  Give your divinity to every person you meet by acknowledging theirs.  Give away the stuff that really matters.  Give time.  Give Love.  Give kindness and gentleness.  Give forgiveness and acceptance and find the beauty that this world is searching for and can't seem to see. Share your vision while your eyes are still able to see.  Share your laughter while your mind is still able to see the humor in life.  Share your song as long as your voice holds out.  Then just love.

Evie's a big girl now with her very own dirt blessing, and even though she's only been with us for 2 short years, it seems like she's always been.

This year, for Lent, use your days wisely.  Be a blessing, even if you're a dirty one.  

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

My Selfish Sofas

I celebrated my 45th birthday recently, and Luke and the kids asked me what I'd like for a gift. This kind of surprised me, since I've always thought I was a pretty obvious hinter.  I've been saving for a new laptop, and I thought I would ask for one, but somehow "a new sofa" is what came out of my mouth.

There's no question I have needed new sofas for some time now.  I was born without an interior design gene, but even I know that the green slip-covered, dog-chewed, third owner sofa and love seat were finished having their turn at my house.  I really didn't think my beloved husband would go for it, and I wouldn't have blamed him.  Sofas are expensive.  This is a large expense. It felt very selfish, and he said yes!

Harriett and I went to Art Van and chose a sectional for the living room and one for the TV room.  I should mention that these are the first brand new still in the plastic sofas I've EVER purchased. First ever in 45 years! I've owned lots of sofas, davenports, and couches.  In my apartment, years ago, I had one patio couch, a vinyl one from a dentist's waiting room, and an atrocious turquoise beast that folded out into a bed (at the same time).   I've never unwrapped the plastic and put the feet on all by myself!  What a fabulous adventure!

So I was feeling very selfish, until we were putting the couches together and the kids were exploring these new comfy spots to find their new favorite places.  They thanked me for choosing a gift that we could all enjoy.  They've fussed about and rearranged pillows and wrestled for the sweet spots on these new couches.  Last night Simon, Sylvia and I cuddled up with a few good books and read together on these new couches.  Isaac even jumped in at the end to use his "epic Viking voice" for the grandmother in the book "Thunder Cake."  It was Patricia Pollacco meets Lord of the Rings. Epic!  

God took my selfishness and made it into a blessing to our family.  He's using my birthday couches to bring us closer together.  That's what I really wish for on every day, not just my birthday.  I wish (and pray) that my children grow up knowing they are loved and valued.  I pray that they know this is their home and they are always welcome here.  Mostly, I pray that they know how blessed I have been to be a part of their lives for as long as I get to be around.  They are a gift to me.  

Thank you Lord, for the gift of couches and relaxation and Love.          

Friday, March 2, 2012

This year, for Lent....

Clearly, I'm not blogging every day this year.  Just hit and miss, and I've been missing more than I've been hitting lately.  But that doesn't mean I'm not celebrating Lent this year. I'm doing something different.  It's just as much of a challenge as last year's sacrifice, but in a different way. When I blog, I write out the words, and I send them out into the universe, and I have very little idea who reads it or what happens next with the people who read it.  I have very little face to face interaction in regards to the blog. It won't be that easy this time.

 This year I have challenged myself to pray with other people. Every day.  Anyone. Someone.  About anything. It has been an interesting Lent so far.  Like the other day at school in the teacher's lounge. Some of us were having lunch together and someone asked if we had heard about Margaret's grandson.  Margaret has been a teacher at C-S since I was in the third grade.  To say someone who has taught Kindergarten for over 25 years is an amazing woman is the understatement of the century.  Anyway, her grandson has been diagnosed with a form of Leukemia.  He's three.  She's got to be terrified for him and her kids. We talked about how we'd like to do something to help the family, and one lady said,"What's his name again?"
"Jeffrey," came the reply. "I might forget by the time I pray for him tonight, so I'll probably just call him Margaret's grandson." she admitted.

Before I could stop myself, I said "You don't have to wait, you know. You could do it now." ("Shut up shut up shut up!" I'm thinking to myself! What the heck are you SAYING!!! My brain screams!)  "You know for Lent I've taken on praying with other people," I half mumbled, apologetically.(Oh crap!  Did I really just say that?)  "Let's do it!" Tracy Mannes says.  She is on the bandwagon!  God love her, she gives me courage when mine is failing. "Shall we hold hands?" she asks the other women at the table.  All co-workers.  All educators.  All women of Faith.  All of us realized that although we know each other to be Christian women, we've never spoken to our Maker as one.  We've never prayed together.  At least if they did, I wasn't there.

So we all stand.  Holding hands as one.  Together in Christian love, we hold up Margaret in prayer.  We ask God to be with Jeffrey and his family through this difficult time.  We ask for the courage to be the friends that Margaret needs.  We ask that if healing is in His will, it will come quickly, and if it's not, that the family would find their strength in the love of their Maker.  I thank God for these women of faith that I work with. I thank God for the sacredness of that moment.  

Amen.

I wonder what they were thinking as we went back to work.

I was thinking, "That was terrifying, and I'm so glad it happened."  I know it shouldn't be a big deal to pray with other people.  I'm not shy, and God and I have this running conversation all day long.  (I do not require an invisible friend, I have a REAL one!) What's so frightening about inviting someone else in on the conversation?  Maybe it's the fear that they won't get it.  This Love is something so pure and beautiful, that I would never allow anything to threaten it, and inviting someone else in is a big risk. But I have already seen that when it pays off, and you are a part of a prayer circle, that love becomes SO MUCH GREATER than you and the others praying with you. It grows and glows and fills your soul with hope.

Will you pray with me this Lent?          

Sunday, February 26, 2012

A Wasted Life?

We all have those neighbors who are more like family, the Johnson's were mine.  Ronnie and I ate soup together, took naps together, played together, hitched his dog to a sled together, and during the summers, were constant playmates.  His sister Cindy used to roll her eyes at us foolish children. There's a good chance some of our choices did qualify as stupid.  Putting the little metal keys in the outlet to pretend it was the ignition of our "tiger car" may have inspired Ronnie to become a firefighter.  We grew up together. 

I attended the memorial for Cindy yesterday.  Her death at 48 seems much too early.  She couldn't stop drinking.  I heard people say "What a terrible waste of a life".  And in a way, they are right.  Ron said, "That girl had so much love in her heart for everyone but herself."  I'm certain he's right.  But was her life really wasted? 

She spent her life seeking something...love? Happiness? Fulfillment? Approval? I don't know for sure, but I know she didn't find it in the bottle.  But I still can't think of her life as a waste.  Opportunities were wasted.  Time was wasted.  But Ronnie was right.  She LOVED everyone...except herself.  Because she was a drinker, she could go where the drinkers go...and be a ray of sunshine to those suffering with that particular addiction.  She was a blessing to her friends.  She made her boyfriend happy.  She let him feel the gift of her love and acceptance. 

It made me wonder a bit.  If Cindy had been a responsible, confident, model member of society, head of the PTA, respectable mother of the year...how would Ronnie have turned out?  Maybe it would have been him that succumbed to the pain and heartbreaks of life.  Did her weaknesses make him stronger?  How many people have a healthier prayer life because they were praying for her?  How many people became better people because they knew her? 

Jesus said "the poor will always be among you..."  Maybe, because Cindy "loved everyone but herself" she allowed herself to take a turn being the one in need so that the rest of us could learn compassion and empathy. 

Her life wasn't wasted.  Her life was used to teach us all that when we look in the eyes of someone hurting, we need to see Cindy Johnson.  Steve and Bonnie's daughter. Ron's sister.  My neighbor.  A young lady fulfilling the noble position of being broken, and vulnerable, and lovable for the very admirable purpose of teaching the rest of us how to be better, more loving people. 

Thank you Cindy.  I hope you have found the peace and love you were seeking.             

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Love this Lent with your WHOLE heart!

It's Ash Wednesday, 2012, and I'm back! 


 It's been a year, and a lot has changed, but Lent is supposed to be a season of change.  I look around myself and see my children changing.  Driver's ed? Are you kidding?  First Communion for Sylvia?  Isaac's Confirmation?  I have 2 sons in the Army now! Yikes!  I'm so thankful to be a part of it all.  My life is a crazy, mixed up busy place to be, and I'm enjoying every minute.  (Except the minutes cleaning up dog poo.  We're working on it!)  


One of the things that really struck me today was my sweet son Isaac.  At 15, some guys are way too cool to be seen with their mother.  He hugs the guts out of me publicly, and invites his friends to do the same.  It doesn't matter whether he's sweaty from Cross Country, wrestling, or just because he's a teenage boy, he has no reason to feel embarrassed to love his good old Mom.  He went to Mass this morning with Debbie (my dear friend) and his sisters.  He received a large smattering of very dark ashes on his forehead.  They were still very dark when I picked him up at 2:30 for an appointment.  When I asked him if any of his friends noticed, he said 17 people had asked him about it, and that he told them it was a sign of repentance, and that it was a church thing.  


The cool thing is that he could have washed them off, but he didn't.  He could have given a wise-crack answer, but he didn't (that I know of.)  He also fasted the whole day!  Not the wimpy fasting that I practice, where your total food intake for the day equals less than 2 total meals.  He full-on fasted.  No Food!  Did I mention he's 15 and has a hollow leg where he normally stores the FOOD?  Not one bite. He was all in.  


In the first reading in Mass today, it talked about loving God with your whole heart.  This made me tear up a little, because I still don't feel like my heart is quite "whole" yet.  But after praying about the whole thing, I realized that I am being asked to love like Isaac!  Publicly.  Fully.  With my WHOLE heart!  Holding nothing back!  He's a great example of what love should look like.  Hug that red-haired girl because you know she's beautiful!  Answer your friends when they ask you about the signs of your faith!  Love each other like you mean it!  


Isaac, I'm so thankful for you today.  You are such a beautiful soul!  


Happy Lent!       
   

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Follow me to my new blog!

Hello everyone!  Follow me to my new blog!  Since Lent is over, it's time for a new point of view! 

http://www.viewfromtheshoe.blogspot.com/ is the new blog.  Come check it out! 

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Saturday, April 23, 2011

My Last Lenten Blog!

I'm at my keyboard, having spent this entire day in a mix of exhaustion and anticipation.  This is it.  My Last Lenten Blog.  Tomorrow is the big day we have spent all this time preparing for.  Did I live up to my promise?  I hope so.  I blogged every day, whether I felt like it or not.  Inspired or uninspired, I put my hands to the keys and offered God free reign.  I've written some gibberish, and he's spoken to people with the keys of my keyboard.  I'm so glad to have been a part of this process.  I've learned so much about being brave and listening to what GOD has to say, and filtering out what I want to say. 

I have fulfilled my obligation, but it's been so much more than that.  I feel like I have shared myself in a very personal way with anyone who cares to read in.  I tell my kids all the time how important it is to be yourself, because God made only one of you.  How sad it would be for the world to miss out on you because you are trying to be someone else.  It would be equally sad if God put a story in your heart and you didn't share it.  Or if he whispered messages to your heart that he wanted the world to hear, but he wanted YOU to write it for him, and you said "I'm not good enough."  That's where I was when we started this journey together.

We started out covered with the ashes of sorrow.  We remembered that we were made of dirt and we will return to dirt.  Somewhere along the line, we realized who formed that dirt and how he made us in His own image and likeness.  Then he breathed life into us, and made us real humans.  He could have stopped there, like he did with the animals he made.  But he loves us enough that he took on a body like ours, and a nature like ours, and lived like us so we could hear his words.  Remember that the Creator speaks and it becomes so.  So when he says he loves us, it can't be any other way.  When he holds us close to himself and smiles upon us, it's real.  The most real thing there is is Love.  And God is that Love.  It existed before the light and the dark.  It existed before the Heavens and the Earth.  It was and is and is to come.  We were Created by Unending Forever Love.  For no other reason than to share in that Love.

And they wonder why I cry at Mass.  I cry at home, too. I ponder and weep.  I imagine and cry.  I see a picture in my head of Jesus in the garden.  His lazy friends are sleeping, he's about to be separated from everyone that loves Him, and he's about to see what evil really looks like.  He's preparing to take on my sin and yours so he can descend into Hell and battle Satan once and for all.  Disappointment, betrayal, spitting, beating, mocking, it's just the pregame for Jesus.  His most important work is yet to come. So they crucify him on Friday.  The earth quakes, darkness descends, the spirits of the dead are roaming around Jerusalem. (look it up, it's in there!) 

Meanwhile, his followers wait.  Lost, confused, scattered, they wander and try to figure out what the heck just happened.   They must have been dazed and confused, but anticipating.  Waiting, but for what.  He flat out told them several times He would rise again, but did He mean it literally, or like on the last day?  Do you think they tried to go back to their old lives?  Did Peter, James and John go fishing?  I don't know.  The ladies hung out by the tomb and cried.  (Makes sense to me, that's where I'd be!)  Where are you in this story right now?  All this stuff happened, and where are you?  Are you going back to your old life?  Are you waiting to see what happens next?  Are you anticipating the miracle that we celebrate tomorrow morning, when the Light of the Universe shines triumphant over sin and Death and Hell, and viral stomach flu, and every other crappy thing in the world?!!! 

No one came through the Easter story unchanged.  Judas was dead.  Peter humiliated himself (Jesus forgave him, though.)  Jesus was GLORIFIED!  Most of the apostles became martyrs for the faith.  How about you?  How are you changed by these events? 

It makes me want to Love better.  It makes me want to do the job that God made me to do.  I wasn't called to be a martyr (yet, that I know of), or a savior.  I was called to love you.  I was asked to share God's Love with you during Lent. In case I haven't made it perfectly clear, God Loves You...and so do I.  Very much.  Happy Easter. 

Lent is over.  I can't wait to see what happens next!