In the Apostles Creed, we say we believe in forgiveness, but do you? Really? You’ve
read all the Bible stories about Jesus forgiving people for amazingly bad
stuff. The woman at the well, the guy lowered
through the ceiling on a mat by his buddies, the thief being crucified with
him, shoot, he even forgave the ones ACTIVELY killing him. We have been told,
and believe, that God forgives repentant sinners. We have learned how to confess our sins and
receive absolution from the priest in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but the
question remains: do YOU believe in forgiveness?
Let me clarify. One time when we were praying the Apostles
Creed, I botched that word “FORGIVENESS” so that it came out as “FORGIVEN-NESS”
and that hit my heart in a whole different way.
I had to ask myself, “Do I believe I am forgiven?”
To be honest, I wrestled with that. “God CAN forgive you, but does he CHOOSE to?”
and “If you’re forgiven, why do you keep doing that same thing?”
I had a good deal of contemplating to do. God is love itself. One definition of Love that I like is “to
want, will, and work for the good of the other”. God LOVES me.
He actively wants my good, wills my good, and works FOR MY GOOD, even
when I’m actively working against him. Of course he wants to forgive me. Once I recognize that I am working against
his will (which is ultimate goodness for me) I am TRULY sorry! So, I trust that
YES, he chooses to forgive me. The next question was answered in prayer. Why do
I keep making the same crappy choice over and over and over? For this answer, I
look to every human child, and realize I’m still the same as I was when I was
five. I keep doing the same thing because I’m a human with a short attention
span that’s attracted to pleasure, even to my own detriment. As a human, I’m a self-centered being that
doesn’t always choose the right things or the good things. I recognize that have
inherited a distorted view of what is most important, and it takes a lifetime
of practice, learning, and discipline to remove the distractions of pleasure to
see the very real source of enjoyment.
I do believe in forgiven-ness.
As mentioned previously, Jesus forgave all kinds of people
for sins we’ll never even know. Jesus forgave Peter for denying him. The guy in
front of me at Confession is forgiven. I
watched him come out with that look of relief on his face and kneel down to
enjoy a conversation with God, now that they’re reconciled. But then there’s
me. The struggle to feel worthy is real. I know he can. I know he does. I know
he will. In my lowest moments, I’m not sure he should waste his love and
attention on me. Did the woman caught in adultery feel that way? She was seconds away from a certain stony
death that we can assume she brought upon herself. Same, sister. I chose my
sins. Then he forgave her and asked her to go forth and sin no more. I hope she did. He asks me that too, and I
strive to do my best. That’s when I remember the truth of it all.
The Creator of everything, of every good and beautiful
thing, wants ME close to him. He wants a relationship with ME. He wants, wills,
and works for my growth and goodness. He
fills my life with beauty and love and holds my bowed head up to see it. His
love isn’t finite or wasted. He freely spends his love and mercy on me. I AM
FORGIVEN.
That’s a big truth. When
you believe it, live it.
